New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
