I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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