At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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