Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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