it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
