she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
