...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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