I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
