So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
