I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
