It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize