This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
