You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
