I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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