Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
