Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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