oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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