just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
