When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize