The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
