Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
