Apparently you make a good broom.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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