This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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