Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
