Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
