but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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