Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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