I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
