maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
