I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
