I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize