I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
