Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
