$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
