Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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