I'm so fucking centered right now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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