there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
