Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
