You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
