found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she smelled like a LAN party
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
