Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
