i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
