You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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