Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
