Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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