i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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