He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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