You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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