I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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