I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And then my night got REAL pukey
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
