you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
