I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
