Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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