Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
