theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
