So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
