Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
