Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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