My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
