??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
