then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
