so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
