Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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