Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize