You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
