If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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