i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
