I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
