this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
