wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
