margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
