I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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