We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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