I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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