I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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