Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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