You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
