Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
