you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
