im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
