but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
