Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I could fuck to npr.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
