so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
