I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
did i just pee glitter
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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