Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
