i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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