I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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