the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
wow bdsm is so cute
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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