Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
