Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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