You can't motorboat a personality
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
