Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
