I need help removing her.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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