ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
