I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize