I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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