strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
