Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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