I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
