Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is Oprah even human
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize