Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
