I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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