Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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