i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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