I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
