I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
